pull the trigger and the nightmare stops...

a day of alliances reforged. .

2006-01-16T20:15:00.000+08:00

oh thank god! i'm so glad that me and vlad had that talk a while ago. . it really brought things into perspective. . 61 Malumanay is back with a vengeance. . now all i have to do is resolve things with e.j.

welcome home. . .

2006-01-15T17:03:00.000+08:00

i wasn't expecting this. . i didn't plan to write another blog entry until something really great happened. . . but the current state of my life has forced me to put my feelings into words. . it's been over two months since i visited this page and blogged. so many things have happened and, quite frankly, i don't know where to begin. .

i guess i should tell you about my christmas. i had a pretty enjoyable x-mas celebration. my christmas spirit was rejuvenated when i watched "elf". i swear, zooey deschanel is the most beautiful girl in the world. . *sigh* i had one of the most memorable days of december on the 24th. . . it went like this: i went to Prancess' home and i gave her a present. simple as that. the new year, on the other hand, was awful. .

i didn't celebrate the new year. my family did, but i didn't. i just couldn't quite feel the "new year spirit". there was this emptiness in me that prevented me from enjoying the new year. i felt so lonely, so without direction. after they celebrated i drank some of my dad's tequila. not a lot though, just enough to get drunk. .

i also went to gab/domeng's home during december to celebrate his birthday. it was fun. really.

the christmas vacation had its fair share of laughs and tears but i was actually eager to go back to school. being home all alone isn't all it's cracked up to be. . .

i was also inspired to skate again after watching grind on hbo. . yes. skateboarding. and i thought i'd given up on that silly hobby. . i'm currently re-learning the running ollie and the kick flip. .

here comes the real reason why i had to blog. . most of the people who read this know who i am. . they know that i play for a band, and i love my band. hell, i just love to play music. . it's just more fun with friends, you know? recently, i noticed that one of our members wasn't as interested in the band as he used to. . i'm sorry about this but i was really hurt by what happened. . dood, you, "berto". i know you didn't mean to but man, i'm starting to get the feeling that you're stealing vlad from us. . now, call me paranoid but i'm not alone. all of us in 61 malumanay (the band, not the house) are starting to feel the same way. . we just hope that we can clear up this whole misunderstanding and go back to the way it was. . and you, vlad. we need a straight answer from you. not as a band member, but as a friend. . what in the blue hell do you really want to do?

jesus christ i feel so betrayed.

fuck

2005-11-17T19:19:00.000+08:00

love is... a lie... a deception we enact upon ourselves to justify how we feel about others.. i hate how i feel.. i can't help it.. i can only take so much pain... i'd rather staple my eyes than feel like this again... the old paulord is back.. deal with it...

it'll be a long time 'til you see the happy paulord again.. in the meantime, you'll be dealing with the cynical depressing bastard you all know and hate... say hello to sorrow.

i can't make it on my own...

2005-11-16T20:49:00.000+08:00

please pray for ms. alla soto... don't ask why.. just pray for her good health... i really hope she gets better...

weh.

2005-11-16T20:41:00.000+08:00

say good bye to a shattered earth... from now on i'm writing it away from prying eyes.. ayoko manakawan ng pinaghirapang trabaho...

ang hirap mag-hintay ng sagot... nauubos na ang lakas ng loob ko..
i wouldn't know what to do if she said no... i'd be beyond devastated... i better get ready... here comes the pain...

.

2005-11-14T20:06:00.000+08:00

maybe i should write about eddie guerrero's sudden passing.. i bet a lot of people are writing about it right now... i won't.. no, he deserves peace.. i'll write about something else...

well, hopefully sa saturday lalabas kami ni dante at susunduin namin cna prancess and pat.. if things work out we'll all have a great time... i have to pray my heart out na payagan c prancess... I HOPE THAT SATURDAY WILL BE A GREAT DAY!!!!

p.s. i know readers are used to deep (sometimes downright f***-ed up) posts so patawarin nyo nalang ako kung medyo mundane ito... masaya lang talaga ako...

i hope to have chapter 4 of a shattered earth up by friday... and then i'll close down the blog... i'll finish it then release it.. mahirap na ring manakawan ng trabaho...

....

2005-11-05T10:24:00.000+08:00

the dreams just keep coming... i had another one last night, or, more accurately, just a while ago. It's all messed up so bear with me.. here it is:

THIS IS JUST A DREAM OF MINE: There are three of us. We are adventurers, of sorts, and we were returning to my home to rest. We journeying along the streets of Malumanay, Amads, Ven and I, and we were almost at our destination when amads became "possessed" by some sort of spirit. He tried to kill us, but i stabbed his throat. The stab must have driven the spirit away, for amads was returning back to normal.. He wasn't fatally wounded, so we bandaged him up and went on our way.

We arrived at my house and there were plenty of people gathered there. Our other comrades. I went upstairs to unpack but i heard a sound in my parent's room.
My father was typing on the pc, this pc right here. I went inside mom and dad's room and there lying on the bed was a beautiful girl. She had reddish blond hair, a white complexion and the most beautiful face i have ever seen.
I have never ever met this girl in my entire life, yet she lay on my parent's bed. my little brother was also there and he was playing with something, i could not clearly see.

I sat down on the bed and observed her, she was stunning. It's hard to put into words how utterly beautiful she is. My brother finally left the room, so I made some casual talk with her. We chatted about how she got here and i told her about our misfortune earlier. She was clearly amused at some of my quips. She asked me my name and i gave it to her. I asked her for her name... She gave it to me, it was... it was... arrrggghh! I can't remember.

We talked for hours and even though we only met recently, i felt like we knew each other for a long time. We were talking to each other like childhood friends, unmindful of all the time we spent talking. We didn't even notice that it was nighttime already.
Then she asked a hard question "May girl friend ka na ba?" she asked.
Naturally my answer was "No" and I asked her if she had a boyfriend, in return. I eagerly awaited her answer to that question.
"Wala" she said, and i felt so relieved. I wondered to myself, what was I feeling for this new friend of mine?

While it was getting even darker, we cuddled together to keep warm. I felt a passion in me awaken, and i held her close, but not hard..
She asked me if I ever made love before, another tough question. I answered "No, I'm still a virgin".
She asked me if I would like to make love to her, and i was in awe at her straightforwardness.
My obvious answer was yes, but we should be mindful of the noise we made. "Yung parents ko nasa ibaba lang yata e." I answered.
So we held each other and we were about to kiss, then suddenly my mother called us and told us to come down to eat.
We decided that we had to eat, i was still stunned about the things she asked of me.

So we came down to eat and we met with several of my comrades. There were other women besides her and my mother there. There was even an adventuring party comprised only of women members. But of all of the women there i was most attracted to her.
I learned during dinner that the reason why so many adventurers were at our house was because my parents were hosting a tournament. A fighting tournament similar to Yu Yu Hakushu's Dark Tournament. But with less deranged combatants. I was ecstatic at the news. I wanted to fight so bad, I wanted to prove myself to everyone that i can take care of myself.

The Tournament had two divisions: Singles and Couples. The main goal is to crown one Singles Champion and One team from the Couples division to serve as "role models" for all adventurers. If you won the gold, then you not only get some sweet loot, you also earn respect.
The fights were randomly selected and I learned I was scheduled to fight tomorrow. She was my opponent.

The fight was now about to start, I was all ready to go. I wouldn't let any feelings I had for her ruin my chances of being champion so I said to myself not to take it easy on her.
We entered a huge coliseum and the other participants, as well as the judges, were watching intently. We were both introduced by an unseen announcer. We were then told to start the match.

The fight was vague.. and i can't remember the whole thing... What i do remember is this:

I approached her with caution, warily ducking in and out. She was eyeing me suspiciously as well, she must be thinking what was going through my head.
I thought that if I kissed her (yeah I know, stoopid) I'd probably psyche her out. In an unusual twist, she must have been thinking of the same move for even before I expected my lips to meet hers, hers met mine.
We were both stunned, to say the least. But I.. felt a connection with her. Something that told me she was special...
She and I talked and we had a brilliant idea. Why don't we just join the couples division? And we did.

After the fight I had a vision that a shadowy warrior had sent orders to harm a certain adventuring party, the one comprised only of females. I headed out in search for them, she was just behind me.
I was able to get to the Women in time and I warned them of the danger.
They scoffed at me and said that I wasn't a seer and that after my last battle, I have no right to even talk to them.
Their arrogance aside, I still wanted to help them. My partner told them to back off and said that i was only trying to help them. I told her to let it go, and we went back to my home.

After we left the women were attacked by some sort of mechanical brute. While they were fighting I woke up...

I know that this dream is all fucked up but it's the way i dreamt it. I couldn't change how it was, because then it wouldn't be my dream.. that's it, I'm done.. peace out...

P.S. The one thought echoing throughout my mind during that dream was: This girl isn't P******s... Then who the hell could she be? All I know is that she's isn't in the dream... At least i think she isn't...

dreams are so cooool.....

2005-11-04T00:52:00.000+08:00

well.. firstly i gotta write about two dreams i had.. two separate, totally unrelated dreams in one restless night...

dream no. 1: a battlefield. nay, a killing field. for it was a valley in the middle of two hills.. there were two forces, one comprised of boys. the other of girls.. they were decked in ancient armor.. what you'd most likely see from a fantasy rpg of some sort.. they were killing each other, all for one box. a black, plain looking box, with probably nothing important inside.. yet the two forces were killing each other for possession of it.. each time their weapons met flesh a part of me died.. they were all supposed to be my friends.. yet they fought each other and killed each other, all for a stupid box.. our forces, the males, had possession of the box and we did everything in our power to keep it that way.. i was disgusted by the way we were all acting and i wanted to put an end to all of the madness... i took the box from our camp and ran to the middle of the battlefield, where the two leaders of the opposing forces were to meet.. on the way a girl threw a boomerang at me but missed.. i immediately threw the two knives i had at her and fatally injured her.. my knives cut deep into her forehead and killed her instantly.. unbeknownst to me at that time the boomerang she threw was coming back, it slashed my right leg (for it was a bladed boomerang) and i uttered the words 'damn bitch cut me...' in pain. i hobbled on to the meeting place of the two warlords and i finally surrendered the box to our adversaries. i thought it would finally end the fighting.. i betrayed my comrades to stop the senseless slaughter.. i hope i was right...

i woke up... man, what a weird dream...

dream no. 2: i woke up from a peaceful slumber. i had a tugging urge to go to my school, claret, and, since it was quite near to my house, i went there. but before i did i took a bath and changed into some decent clothes.. i was wearing my old COCC shirt and a pair of baggy black jeans i usually wear for skateboarding. i then went to school to just hang out and see if anyone else was there. i was correct. when i arrived it looked like a party was happening. the ambience was remiscent of our sophomores' night.. i was surprised, to say the least, for i had no idea there was such an event going on at the school at that time.. i waited to see who it was for, thinking it was for the alumni. imagine my surprise when a few batchmates of mine walked through the gate arm in arm with a few ladies (obviously their dates).. they were even dressed in their most formal attire, usually reserved for the prom.. i approached them and asked what they were doing here with the ladies and why they were dressed so formally... they just laughed and said "pre, nagloloko ka nanaman ata e.. saka ba't ganyan suot mo? mukhang kakagising mo lang.. wala ka bang kasama? sige pre, mauna na kami a.." i was just standing there, stunned in disbelief at what he had just said.. i was starting to understand the situation but i didn't want to... more people started arriving, all of them my batchmates, and all of them with dates.. i then saw someone whom i was very familiar with and i then went up to him and asked him what the hell was going on.. he said "man, di mo ba natatandaan? etong pre-grad ball natin.. parang sophomores' night nga.. madami sa 'tin may dates kasi nga yung interax dba? ikaw? ba't ka pa nakaganyan? sino kasama mo? matagal na sinabi 'to.. nakainom ka ba?" right then and there my heart died. i felt that i wasted an excellent opportunity to be with 'her'.. i saw a few girls whom i was familiar with and i went up to them. i asked them if prancess was coming. they said no. they said no one invited her and that shouldn't i be the one who would invite her in the first place.. i was crushed. and i wanted to just break dow and cry.. i made my way to gate 5 with tears streaming down my cheeks. i just wanted to go home and drink 'til i forgot about this whole mess... i encountered ace and told him about my current situation. how i knew nothing about this event and if i did, i'd invite prancess and we'd have a great time.. he said that his date was just freshening up and that i should go get dressed but i just raised my voice and said "Can't you see I don't have a date? what the fuck would getting dressed up do? sonuvabitch! i just wanna go home.." and with that he escorted me to gate 5.. but we ran into my parents, who were sitting in the metallic shed near the "kubo area".. i asked what the hell they were doing there, visibly shocked at my appearance.. they said "anak, dinala namin yung drum set mo. hindi ba sinabi mo sa'min na tutugtog kayo para sa mga aattend dito?" and with that i just had enough.. i kept telling myself 'this all just a dream, a fucking dream.. wake up, goddamnit!' but i didn't wake up.. i was convinced that i was going insane.. and walked out of the school. it was by now pretty dark and there were cars coming in to drop off their passengers.. i started to walk home but suddenly a car came speeding into my path.. i tried to move out of the way but i stopped myself. i thought this would end it all.. i was correct.

i woke up.. that was the most disturbing dream i have ever had. at least the one that i remember most recently.. i hope i never experience that. ever.

my day was pretty interesting.. i got the metal thingies i left at claret. me and ace visited carl and just hung out at his place.. we played magic cards.. i had a winning streak.. 4 wins 0 losses.. hahaha. then we went over to my house and we just ps2-ed while ace played on the pc... we were getting quite bored so we had an impromptu hardcore no-holds barred falls count anywhere triple threat match.. after a dozen chair shots and canings, and a few spears, clotheslines, flying cross-bodies, basement dropkicks and ddt's thrown in for good measure, the match finally ended with carl victorious. after i ddt'ed ace on the steel chair, carl kicked my gut and pedigree'd the hell out of me.. 1-2-3. but, in regular pro wrestling fashion, i got up and beat the crap out of carl from behind.. and full nelsoned him until he "passed out" (scripted amp.. hahaha).. well that basically takes care of my day... longest. post. ever. or maybe not.. ewan haha... ingat.. god bless sa inyong lahat...:)

i gotta set goals...

2005-11-02T23:46:00.000+08:00

i gotta do all these things tomorrow.. someone remind me.. pleez...

Get the stuff i left at the school avr...
go to carl's house and pay him a long overdue visit...
start chapter 3 of a shattered earth..
start the new story "A Romance of Dreamers" (tentative title" prang queer a... bahala na!!!
yun lang....

well, that's basically it...

well.. you make the best of what you have...

2005-11-01T20:39:00.000+08:00

due to the rain and laziness i have decided to just stay in the house and lounge around.. so instead of wasting the entire day playing smackdown vs. raw (which is an interesting prospect, mind you) i have instead revamped my online novel-in-the-making "A Shattered Earth".. yes, as the previous post suggests. and i believe i am quite successful in the outcome of my story.. you can find it here at: http://ashatteredearth.blogspot.com there are 1.5 chapters and i am currently finishing the 2nd.. i hope you guys like it..

i am also thinking of making a short story.. a romance fantasy, if you will.. i'll have a working title soon and i hope to finish part 1 by december.. oh the joys of writing...

"The Mind is a terrible thing to waste"

anak ng...

2005-11-01T15:21:00.000+08:00

this day will not be remembered.. at least i hope not.. i f i wasn't as lazy as i am i'd use this day to do something important.. but i am lazy, so deal with it...

i've got a new rush of creativity.. here goes. two new strories planned out: a dreamworld romance kinda thing.. fantasy setting.. and the other one will be revamping "A SHATTERED EARTH" to make it more of a dystopian sci-fi with deep characterization and some plot twists than a violent gorefest fantasy.. la lng, gs2 ko lang i-share...

aayusin ko na nga ung shattered earth...

effy's party

2005-10-30T19:36:00.000+08:00

it was a fuckin' blast... i drank.. i got drunk.. but not puke drunk.. we jammed.. oras nanaman ng himala.. z4h tumugtog din.. pati bandido and paddy wagon.. the staple bands of batch e.. man, lemme tell ya, the party kicked ass.. i also got a new henna tattoo from cajo..

...

2005-10-27T21:41:00.000+08:00

three. three emotions that have recently dominated my day. rage. sorrow. emptiness...

three... three songs that i listen to when i am raging... unleash the beast..
3. DiG by MuDvAyNe
2. Power Trip by Chimaira
1. 5 Minutes Alone by Pantera

five... five songs i listen to when i am wallowing in a pit of depression and emptiness...
5. Wasted Sacrifice by Killswitch Engage
4. Crestfallen by the smashing pumpkins
3. Landslide by the smashing pumpkins
2. mellon collie and the infinite sadness by the smashing pumpkins
1. Tiny Vessels by Death Cab for Cutie

one.. one person i hate the most...
myself.

narcissism should be a crime...

2005-10-26T00:08:00.000+08:00

and you are the prime suspect.. i can't believe the bullshit coming out of your mouth.. you keep telling everybody just how "great and talented" you are. who are you trying to convince, them or yourself? the only reason you are so in love with yourself is because no one else will. o and backstabbing really isn't the way to go. you'll only hurt your reputation.. and why so paranoid? why are so threatened by me?

it amazes me just how utterly stupid you are.. you are faggotry embodied. such a sad excuse for a human being.. you fucking piece of chickenshit.. enough with your lies. justice will soon be served. you think you can get away with your sins? you will be punished accordingly... you made the mistake of pissing off the wrong person.. your arrogance will prove to be your undoing. and when the time has finally come to end you once and for all, i shall show you what it means to "get the living hell beat out of you"..

and i hope you know that you were never my friend.. i have had enough of you and your over-sized ego.. you can go fuck yourself, i'm sure you'll enjoy it, you sonuvabitch...

happy birthday ms. rani :)

2005-10-25T02:00:00.000+08:00

ang saya kanina.. it was one of the most well coordinated and executed plan i have ever been a part of.. one word to describe it: kick-ass.. (or is that two words?) basta ang saya.. all for ms. rani.. ang dami din kasi nyang ginawa pra sa amin, kaya at least for one day kami naman ang magpapagod para sa kanya.. sana lang maulit.. para kay miss shella naman sa susunod :)

ung skin ng bass drum ko nabuta, kaya pinirmahan namin at binigay kay ms. rani.. wow, may gift din akong nabigay :).. but one thing really bugs the hell ou of me: i didn't know that we were allowed to invite other people from outside the school.. we never talked about that. sayang may iimbitahin pa nman sana ako...

kanina ang unveiling ng aming masterpiece: ang oras ng himala/61malumanay.. we jammed the hell out of the avr! tinugtog namin ung A Favor House Atlantic by coheed and cambria -and- Assertion by typecast.. ang ganda ng kinalabasan.. sa uulitin nlang. but let's not forget the finale.. tumugtog ang "ms. shella and her insects"

line-up includes: ej-guitar, doods-guitar, cajo-guitar, effi-bass, ms.shella-vox(ang galing!!) and me-drums.. tinugtog namin ung hiling by paramita.. para kay ms. rani lahat un! :) ge un na muna... tulog na ako Zzzzzzzz...

ung concert.

2005-10-22T16:38:00.000+08:00

andun ako nun e.. wla lang. ung kjwan, 18th issue, at mobster manila ung nagustuhan ko. yun lang.. di ko tlaga trip ang cueshe e..

nagbantay kaming mga CAT officers.. pero ako nakipagslamman din. masaya nman, kahit wla ung mga bandang tlagang gusto kong makita live.. yun. mdami rin nangyari e.. tinatamad lang akong itype.. cge.. paulord, out!

*sigh* may naaalala lang ako...

mission accomplished....

2005-10-20T22:04:00.000+08:00

:) i am so happy.. because i made someone else happy... mission accomplished. the package has been delivered.. basta ayun. sana nga at talagang nagustuhan niya.. *sigh* well.. the day started well and ended well as well (how redundant could i get?) i thank you god, for blessing me today.. :)

and btw: the obscure yet ominous post that i umm, posted yesterday has been resolved.. it was a grave misunderstanding and i'm glad it's settled.. yay, back to normal (or as normal as i can get, which is, pretty much, not...)

highlights of my day:
1. successfully delivering my present for prancess... :)
2. settling the misundertanding i had with ms. rani... :)
3. having an awesome time with ej, austell, cajo, ms. rani and, last but certainly not least, ms. shella... :)
4. the txt messages i received from prancess... :) p.s. happy birthday ulit...
5. seeing rap happier today than yesterday... :)

thank god for this day.. and in all things may god be glorified (total saint scho marikina rip-off, sors :) )

and i can make it on my own...

2005-10-19T21:11:00.000+08:00

how could you? of all the people i know.. does it feel so good to hurt me? of all the people i know... you might have meant it as a joke, who knows? but it doesn't change the fact that i felt hurt.. i would never do anything to hurt you.. i look up to you so much, like a big sister, yet you still think i would stab you in the back? am i that untrustworthy? am i that bad? if so then why do you still give me the time of day? was it all just a facade? honestly, do you take for a fool? then it's over....

i have seen myself. i am the extra guy.. y'know, the dood who always does his best to help but never gets anything in return.. the roadkill on the side of the road.. they look at me as if i was shit on a stick.. and he can't see past his bloated ego far enough to know that all his narcissistic words hurt others... i'll admit that he's good, just not as good as he lets on... god, i sound like an asshole.. maybe i am.. but you know what? i'd rather sit on the sidelines and watch than become as big-headed and self-centered as he has... go to hell....

i can survive on my own, thank you very much. i've had enough. PAULORD WANTS OUT.

thanks oh father dear...

2005-10-16T22:01:00.000+08:00

thanx dad.. may transpo na ako for thursday, oct 20.. may.. trabaho ako e.. btw, nkabili na ako ng stand pra sa 18" crash/ride ko.. pede na ulit mag-ingay! ayun. wla lang...

sorry.. a word so powerful it makes me shake in my vans shoes..

2005-10-14T20:04:00.000+08:00

i would just like to say sorry.. to prancess for having read my craphole of a blog.. and seeing my picture.. to my underappreciated but never unloved friends for me being such an asshole.. and to god, for not living up to his impossible standards..

sorry tlaga prancess.. honestly. sincerely. i am on my knees.. tungkol dun sa picture.. it was taken a long time ago.. i have stopped from doing that vile act. i stopped because i felt it was wrong, and it was... i hope you have it in your heart to forgive me.. i would never ever do anything to make you feel bad about me.. sorry tlaga.. ayun. promise...

today was a waste of time... and money... and energy....

could you even pretend that you want me?

2005-10-13T20:52:00.000+08:00

hmm.. is it me or is the world as confusing as spinal surgery? jeez, one day i'm feeling good, the next i feel like crap.. although i'm feeling considerably better than yesterday.. i just hope that she doesn't resent me or anything... damn.

problems arise as i drown in the wake of sorrow... right now i'm trying to attain inner peace.. to be a calmer, nicer person.. i even had a hair cut to look more decent.. i'll leave the "grunge" look behind for now.. i want to be better. for her.. and for the rest my friends.. call me whatever you like.. i don't give a damn... (i'm even cutting back on swearing and smoking)...

people are messing with my friends.. and i don't like it..(who would?) but i don't want to fight.. i'm abstaining from violence to attain serenity.. damn.. why now? unleash the beast or chain the the raging animal? crap...

"i wonder if i could completely present myself to you?"

how can life change so drastically?

2005-10-08T22:29:00.000+08:00

well yesterday was a fairly good day.. unfortunately problems arise when they are least expected and, in this case, unwanted... i had a fight...

of all the people i had to fight with, it was with a man i consider a true friend.. kyle.. sori tlaga pare.. alam mo nman cguro na hindi kita gustong saktan.. we are true friends and i would never ever enjoy doing anything to hurt or disrespect you.. whatever i did, I AM SINCERELY SORRY for it.. i believe that we can overcome this.. we are strong and our friendship is stronger.. sori tlaga.. inuman tayo...

friday was a day when i realized that rage can be overcome.. i was so happy last thursday that it carried over to friday and neutralized my all-consuming rage.. i was even able to endure the boring homily during mass... oh, and btw: Carlo Lazo.. this coming friday you are going to hell.. and i'll be there waiting for you... psalamat ka at msaya ung interax nmen..

thank you ulet, prancess.. my newest friend.. you have been an extremely BiG help in making my existence happier.. :)

return to the world...

2005-10-06T20:22:00.000+08:00

happiness is returning to me.. i will be strong once more, strong for the ones i care for.. i will bring forth hope anew...

ipagtutuunan ko na nang todong pansin ang ISANG BANDA LAMANG!! ang 61Malumanay.. oras na ng himala.. btw, the girls from ss really helped to brighten up my day.. specially a certain person (prancess) who was so friendly and kind, sa sobrang dami ng good qualities nya mahihirapan akong i-type lhat... but she really was so great.. i have made so many new friends and met so many interesting people... di ko sila malilimutan...

i will cherish this day.. npka-saya.. may bonding pa kami ng bandmates ko kanina..

why is my life so damned sorrowful?

2005-10-05T18:51:00.000+08:00

i now see why suicide is so great.. it lets you prematurely end something so painful and bleak that you can't help but consider the option.. why postpone the inevitable.. if i die now then i won't have to go through anymore disappointment.. wow.. how can something so simple elude me for so long?

physical pain is so superficial.. i have been beat down and up so much it hardly ever bothers me... pain of the heart though is a different matter.. i have noticed that in my 17 years of living i have never "won".. i have always been a loser.. i always let myself and my friends dow.. it's a miracle i'm still alive.. or am i just breathing? why is life so unfair to me? because it just is...

i have nothing to live for.. everything i've fought so hard for means nothing.. i am a broken thing to be discarded away like trash.. i hate myself.. there's nothing love about me.. why would i ever deserve glory? glory and triumph are reserved for the "cool" dudes.. sonuvabitch.. i should never have been born.. i am a waste of life... by the way: when i die, i'll finally prove that there is no such thing as "GOD"...

nothing ever works out well for me.. i am failure personified.. and all i need is to curl up on the floor and wait for death.. why should i strive to be anything if i am supposed to be nothing? why bother to exist if my existence is doomed to fail? and they keep telling me to look on the bright side.. well the "bright side" is engulfed in flames.. i'd rather die than burn in the false happiness you so foolishly share.. i don't want to be happy ever again.. it just hurts too much... i don't deserve to be happy..

this is a hopeless life i live.. i have seen the truth... and reality dictates more suffering to come..

2005-10-03T20:33:00.000+08:00

life is unfair.. a fact proven through harsh experiences and soul-shattering disappoinments.. but it is in this depressed state where i am most dangerous.. depression develops into unforgiving rage, and rage manifests itself through ruthless violence.. there is a light at the end of the tunnel.. a shining beacon through the mist.. death, my sweet, please come now and end my torment..

no matter how many times i try things never change.. once a loser, always a loser.. justice was represented by mainstream whores and harlots.. if that is justice then i'd rather commit as many crimes as possible.. as long as i do it in a popular, mainstream way... fuck you, and i'll see you dead for this.. you have no fucking idea of the beast you have unleashed...

the ironic part is, i actually had fun.. sadly, fun is a waste of precious air.. i gave the performance i promised, i delivered intensity and percision.. unfortunately, that wasn't enough.. we weren't "mainstream" enough.. pop music sux.. and the judges sold out.. i will have my revenge.. you can push me around thinking i won't fight back, but now the animal within has awoken.. and the beast is unleashed.. the reckoning will come and there will be NO MERCY...

as i lay dying, i ask for deliverance...

2005-09-29T22:56:00.000+08:00

(this is a composition i did for the english board at school, it's about the C.A.T.)

The C.A.T. (or Citizenship Advancement Training) is a vital part of high school life. It educates disciplines and serves the student body. It has withstood the test of time for even now; high schools across the Philippines still require students to undergo the C.A.T. It is an organization founded on the principles and ideals of the Philippine military; an organization of hardworking, diligent, respectful, and idealistic men and women. We are the C.A.T. We are legion. We cannot be stopped.

I am proud to be called a C.A.T. officer. I have worked long and hard to be what I am today. I have undergone a hellish course with my buddies to be what I am today: C/1stLt. Orduña, Paolo C.

The training we went through has had a drastic effect on my outlook and attitude. No longer am I the undisciplined little brat with no respect for authority; nay, I am now the Flight Foxtrot commander who teaches and disciplines his flight with unwavering conviction. I have been subjected to public humiliation, physical punishment, and ruthless backstabbing but those atrocities have only succeeded in strengthening my spirit. Because of those experiences I have gained a reinforced moral fiber and an unbridled passion to fight for my beliefs.

I used to think during our C.O.C.C. and C.O.L.T. training sessions that this nightmare would never end. I had so much rage and loathing for our senior officers, especially the ones who already graduated but kept coming back just to see us in pain, that I used to scream incoherent things while I was resting alone in my room. I used to beg God for deliverance from this seemingly never-ending torment.

Pain is temporary, glory is eternal. Perhaps that saying is true in this case for I will never forget what my buddies and I went through under the hands of vicious sadists and power-hungry tyrants. We now share a bond borne, not through time, but through suffering and camaraderie. We have formed a friendship that can never be replaced, for the mettle of true friendship will be tested under the harsh fires of hell. But pain is not the only thing we share for as I mentioned glory above, so shall I tell about it now: we had plenty of happy and enjoyable times too. The few training hours we spent without our officers, our last boodle fight as C.O.L.T.’s, and who could ever forget the camping trip to Momarco, which we dubbed the Momarco Experience. Our unity and solidarity as a flight were tested to the extreme during the experience and we not only endured it but came back better than before.

I have made a vow never to be like our senior officers. I prefer to teach my flight using my own methods: to learn through fun. I wouldn’t like to put my friends and batch mates through the same hell my buddies and I did. I think to myself, would I like it if it was done to me again? And of course the obvious answer is no... Ergo, I have developed my own teaching method which is proving effective and I’m sticking to it. The one and only rule in my flight is: have fun or else…

I have poured my heart and soul out on this little piece of paper (metaphorically speaking, duh) and I hope it gives you ,dear reader, a glimpse (a pretty huge glimpse, if you ask me) of my life as a C.A.T. officer. Until next time, and may you never stray from God’s path.

i have discovered the joy of helping..

2005-09-28T00:34:00.000+08:00

i am trying to let go of my raging temper.. it has burdened me for too long, this fire in my soul.. i will temper it with compassion and love ( i can't believe i just typed that down!)... all i really want is to attain true happiness.. but don't we all?

during our retreat, i made a pact with myself to be a better friend.. i promised that i'd never hurt any of my friends ever again.. lately, i've felt a change in myself. a sort of inner calm.. i have attained... serenity.. at least i hope i did..

stay in school.. it's cool.. i took that expression to heart and exaggerated it.. i was in school 'til 7:45 pm.. it was a crappy day but the afternoon was pretty good.. i was treated to the raucus of voices in the sdc calling for ms. rani to finish organizing the dlsu application forms.. if they want it so bad, why don't they do it? ingrates.. i stayed late because i wanted to help ms. rani out, among other reasons, and i didn't feel like going home early..

ej, doods, and i have really hit it off while we jammed in the tanglaw room a while ago.. i was exercising my song writing chops.. i really hope this new band works out.. i've always wanted to make a smashing pumpkins tribute band.. all we need is a decent vocalist..

ms. blu was also quite busy, lots of people requested for her to fill up their recommendation forms.. i just wish miss blu had more time for herself.. so many people are asking too much of her spare time.. i'm just worried that's all...

i need to start working on "SeVeN" (it's our graphic novel, the title is still tentative)

"the hardest part is yet to come..."

what a great day... :D

2005-09-23T21:45:00.000+08:00

well it isn't often a day like this comes by.. this has been such a memorable experience i can't help but "brag"(?) about it.. hehe, here goes..

it started out with me opting to wear a school uniform instead of the goa (tinatamad e..) and midday was real fun: we had a Boodle Fight to celebrate Dubya's birthday.. tas nasama ako sa extemporaneous(tama ba?) speaking competion.. well, i gave little effort pero i still think mlakas ung case na prinesent ko.. after nung speaking dumeretso na ako kay miss blu and met up with rap..

c aldrin pla ininvite na c miss blu dun sa concert sa ADB kaya i decided na pupunta ako dun.. ksama nman c miss blu, so obviously msaya un.. so i went home to get dressed and i told my mom to wait for me at her office cause pupunta kami nina aldrin and miss blu jan.. balik sa claret at naghintay kami na dumating ung mom ni ma'am.. but we got tired of waiting kaya pumunta nlang kami dun sa ADB.. what attracted miss blu to go there was the seeing kitchie nadal live.. you see, kitchie nadal's mom works at Asian Development Bank, the same place where my mom and aldrin's work at.. so nkadating nren kami sa ADB and we got to watch kitchie nadal.. we even got pics and autographs.. it was fun...

but to tell you the truth: Kitchie wasn't the reason i went there.. it purely to hang out with miss blu.. and hang out we did.. after the show, we went to Megamall to eat at Jip-Pan with my mom.. my mom and miss blu got to talk and we had a very interesting three-way conversation while eating japanese food... it's always great to see miss blu happy.. it makes for a heart-warming sight.. hinatid nmen ng mom ko c miss blu sa GMA pra sumakay sa MRT.. so we said our "see-you-later's" and parted ways.. until next time ma'am, god bless and take care..

cute? adorable?! what the FUCK!?!?!

2005-09-22T21:09:00.000+08:00

the english period in my class is my favorite part of the daily academic schedule.. but just recently, it has been eerily disturbing.. kanina lang i was getting ready to enjoy the english period with our fairly attractive and friendly english teacher, ms. soto, when suddenly she said i was "adorable".. what the fuck is going on?!

now to every body who has known me i can be described as a "sadistic gentleman with a penchant for helping out his friends" not as she put it "adorable and cute".. jeez.. i'm ruthless, vicious, and violent.. but i ain't cute and adorable.. i may be short but that don't make me adorable and sure as hell not cute... maybe she just sees something in me that i don't.. but anyways, it was still disturbing... still it kinda felt... good...

i'm feelin a bit better now.. not as "gloom and doom"-ey as i was a few days ago.. it's all thanx to my friends.. you guys are a big help.. thanx for gettin' my ass out of deppression...

do i deserve redemption..

2005-09-21T18:58:00.000+08:00

i was given a proposition by a friend: a.. paulord gs2 mo ba mag-drums pra samin? (everyone knows that my band, Cytheria, didn't make it to the finals of the musicfest) this band, Gabo and Dave's, wanted to ask of my services as a drummer.. naturally, i accepted, (since mtagal ko nman tlaga clang bandmates + mganda ang tutugtugin nmen + sobrang galing maggitara nung dlawang un) but i feel that i one-upped my other band, Cytheria.. hmm.. i must ponder this some more...

man.. i am so overwhelmed with responsibilities..
1. Cytheria (Band)
2. ung banda nina Gabo at Dave
3. Ung Graphic novel namin nina Spikey, Doods, Cajo, and Domeng
4. kakausapin ko daw c Ms. Blu.. *sigh*
andami...

Earth Emblazoned

2005-09-16T21:07:00.000+08:00

[Welcome sinners, feed temptation

Lust is law, lost salvation

All saints are dead, and sinners rule

Your God is gone, the world's a fool..]

chorus:

[Set the world on fire (x3)

Burn it all down]

Hope is lost, self-mutilation

too many hungry, mass starvation

fetish freaks all so obssessed

fucked-up families can't face incest.

(chorus)

[seek life anew..

I'll save this world from you

I walk my own path..

now to face the aftermath]

(BREAKDOWN)

[set the world on fire..

inhale the fucking cinders

smell the ashes overhead..

you'll soon wish you were dead.]

(chorus)

the world is a goddamned liar...

2005-09-15T19:24:00.000+08:00

this world prides itself on deception.. i have been screwed twice, and i await the third time.. the most untrustworthy person i know is myself.. i let myself down on a regular basis.. self-loathing has become routine.. i would like nothing more than sweet death.. self - destruction in t-minus...

hope. hope is the best weapon anyone can wield.. for when hope is lost, a man has nothing left to lose.. and a man with nothing to lose is a man with nothing to fear.. as i felt my hopes shatter like glass on the gym floor, i felt a sorrow that i had not experienced since, well, ever. how can something so trivial cause so much inner turmoil?

a bullet with my name pierces through my heart and leaves a gaping hole. my entire existence is a farce and i lose control. my name is despair and i have no face. only sweet death can serve as my saving grace.

tears bring relief, i crave salvation. i know not love, but have desperation. once to live, now to die. hope is lost, please don't cry...

"pull the trigger and the nightmare stops"

the circle expands...

2005-09-07T18:42:00.000+08:00

i'm finally willing to share my problem.. it might help to unburden some of it from me.. Rap is the only one who knows.. soon Ms. Rani will too.. i hope she can be trusted.. Ms. Blu might be able to lend me some moral support..

Traitors around every corner.. you better watch where you shit...

a potentially volatile situation was avoided..

2005-09-06T21:27:00.000+08:00

wla nang problema...

btw..

chimaira rules... i should also post the history of metalcore.. since domeng is doing thrash, death and probably black metal..

maybe later...

....

2005-09-01T21:42:00.000+08:00

i'm quite happy.. i had a fairly exhausting day and my throat is sore but i still feel happy.. this is one of those days i wish happens more often.. my creative juices were flowing the hell out of me this afternoon. my fellow officers and i did some songwriting and we were able to compose a battle rap and a legitimately good acoustic song (i know acoustic? bah..) but don't get me wrong those songs we wrote were supposed to be used against the Senior Officers.. i hate those fucking bastards...

currently, i am finding it hard to properly articulate my extreme hatred for the Senior Officers so i'm hoping to get our songs recorded so those cocksucking S.O.'s can listen to it..

harana kanina.. 3rd place kami.. woohoo. la lng..

"let your rage fuel your passion"

i miss you, my dear blog...

2005-08-31T23:00:00.000+08:00

it's been a while since my last post.. i put my blog typing on hiatus for a few weeks just to get the creative juices flowing.. but enough about me what about you, dear reader? how are you? like i give a fuck...

i'll say one thing about Jack TV: it rules but unfortunately even Southpark can't save the failed abortion that is Primetime Glick.. i hate Martin Short.. he just isn't funny for me. he's very irritating and he's like an itch that turns into a rash then eats away at my mind leaving me with a goddamned aneurysm.. he even had the gall to have some unfunny poseur impersonate Conan O' Brien, the funniest talk show comedian.. possibly second only to John Stewart.. but let's leave Martin Short alone for now.. typing about him makes me sick to my stomach..

I recently talked to miss Rani and asked her if she knew what Faggocide was.. she didn't, and fyi: Faggocide is the murder of Faggots.. now let me make myself clear: i DO NOT hate homosexuals. i swear. hell, i love lesbians.. but don't we all... what i do hate though are Faggots, those gays who are so intent on passing themselves off as women or something close to women just for the hell of it. those gays who attempt to talk like women, dress like women, think like women, and sometimes even get sex-changed to be women..

i believe god made you the way you are for a reason.. each of us has our own "Personal Legend", if you will allow me to quote Paulo Coelho, and as long as we don't hurt each other or disrupt the balance of nature then we're all cool. if you deviate from what you are then fine, but you can't be someone you're not. even transexuals still acknowledge that they were once of a different gender and, try as they might, they can never change the fact that they weren't born that way...

i guess i'm through.. i'll be back soon, i promise. but first i must thank Rap for understanding my problem, you are the only person i trusted with the knowledge of my burden and i appreciate you keeping it confidential...

"Fairy tales are more than true: not because they tell us that dragons exist, but because they tell us that dragons can be beaten..."

It's been a while...

2005-08-19T12:15:00.000+08:00

sonuvabitch! i've been away from my blog for quite a while now.. i was supposed to write an entry about my party, but i got sick so now i'm gonna make good on my word and try to remember what happened..

it started out really bad.. it was just me, domeng, choi and rap.. everyone else was still at claret runnin' around and playin' the CAT version of the amazing race.. hehe. it was kinda boring, but then more people showed up.. and for a time it was good.. but then a few guys left and it was back to waiting for the other guys to arrive...

around late in the afternoon lots of guys showed up and the party got started.. there were over 30 guests.. most of us ate pizza and drank beer while the others played tekken 5 and fight night in the game room.. the guests left and the party was over.

that's basically all of it.. i can't remember all of the details too well..

i did a booboo...

2005-08-07T20:20:00.000+08:00

i got drunk again.. i gotta stop drinkin'. i woke up with a nauseating pain in my gut and no idea how i got home. at least i didn't make an ass out of myself again.. it was Kuya Lloyd's birthday party. i actually met some new friends.. Happy Birthday man!

UPCAT din pla kanina.. la lang...

Recommend This!!!

2005-08-01T21:59:00.000+08:00

shit.. when it rains, it fucking pours.. the wind was so strong you had to push the door just to get out.. i guess i should have expected things to wrong, they always do... at least masaya kasi nkasama ko ulit c ms. blu at pati nrin ang mga friends ko...

feast day nga pla nmen kanina.. wla akong ginawa kundi samahan c ms. blu sa science lab at maghintay ng recommendation form (wla kasi kaming classes e...) buti nlang dala ko i-pod ko otherwise i would have died of boredom..

sa dami ng volunteer work na ginawa ko pra kay ma'am kanina prang nagtraining uli ako nang COCC.. hehe pra na akong maliit na alalay ni ms. blu.. pero ok lang, basta mapagaan ko ung burdens na ibinagsak sa kanya ng mundo at mapasaya ko cya ng kahit papano ok na ako dun... hehe, laki kasi ng influence nya sa buhay ko e..
thanx ma'am for bearing with me and don't worry, i'll find a way to pay you back.. sevenfold.

"In this perfection I lament her beauty. Her voice a sour note in this bitter serenade..."

lemme tell ya this...

2005-07-26T19:42:00.000+08:00

Professor Pain rocks.. it may be "h" but it is essentially a society bashing, dark, psychological thriller... something you wouldn't expect to come from Lim.. watch it for yourself and you'll understand. trust me, it's not a waste of time.. it shows the extremes one will go through for vengeance. you could actually sympathize with the professor if you follow the story closely..

a deep, thought-provoking plot cleverly hidden underneath a lustful skin of "h"...

"you'll listen to reason while you're face down in the dirt"

"pull the trigger and the nightmare stops..."

Everything and Nothing

2005-07-22T22:06:00.000+08:00

Everything and Nothing
By
Mudvayne

We swallow the spit

Steal acceptance

Lend denial

Tellin' me that my life is free and boundless

And then I'm forced to stay between the lines

The construct death

To demolish life

Plant the seeds to harvest loss

Found that empty truth is full of lies

Lies

We're hoping for despair

Starvation's gluttony

Subtle chaotic peace

War divided unity

Pro life

Pro choice

Blinded insight

Left wing

Right wing

Black

White

Leaders following

I am Everything

I am Nothing

I am Everything

I am Nothing

I am Everything

I am Nothing

I am Everything

I am Nothing

I am Everything(i am nothing)

Stop fuckin' with meI'm the accused (A human not a machine)

I'm not the enemy

You're so confused

No way you could enlighten me (A human not a machine)

No freedom trapped in slavery (A human not a machine)

Deceitful honesty

Motherfuckin' human

Not a machine (Not a machine)

Stop fuckin' with me

I'm the accused (A human not a machine)

I'm not the enemy

You're so confused

No way you could enlighten me (A human not a machine)

No freedom trapped in slavery (A human not a machine)

Deceitful honesty

Motherfuckin' human (Not a machine)

Not a machine

Lay your hands upon me

In search for answers inviting

Constant struggle inside me

Guide me throughthis everything that's nothing

It's all right to be afraid

They suffocate a time for us to change

Build palettes full of blacks and grays to shade our faces

They shape our lives and disturb your space

Your hopes ran out upon that day

They played my life like it was some kind of fuckin' game

A bunch of bigots

They have no room to receive the blame

So now I guess I'll be the one to improve the tears

Your fears

The loss

Your sacrifice given up for years

Walking my life on the lines that they decide

I'm waiting for the end of time

Praying for the end of time

Pray for the end of time

I am Everything

I am Nothing

I am Everything

I am Nothing

I am Everything

I am Nothing

I am Everything

I am Nothing

I am Everything(i am nothing)

I am Everything(i am nothing

)Stop fuckin' with me (A human not a machine)

I'm the accused

I'm not the enemy (A human not a machine)

You're so confused

No way you could enlighten me

No freedom trapped in slavery (A human not a machine)

Deceitful honesty (A human not a machine)

Motherfuckin' human

Not a machine

Stop fuckin' with me (A human not a machine)

I'm the accused I'm not the enemy (A human not a machine)

You're so confused

No way you could enlighten me

No freedom trapped in slavery (A human not a machine)

Deceitful honesty (A human not a machine)

Motherfuckin' human

Not a machine (Not a machine)

ako'y baliw...

2005-07-21T19:55:00.000+08:00

i am spiraling downward into madness... insanity and anger will help me cope with this fucking life... people might think i'm an asshole.. quite frankly, i don't give a goddamn fuck.. all i care about are my friends, my family, my Personal Legend and my mentor, Ms. Blu.. it's hard to think about the future if your present is hell.. but i will push through for i am strong. nothing can stop the path of rage....

i mourn for those who never knew you...

2005-07-19T21:38:00.000+08:00

Miss Blu! thankyouveryveryverymuch! you gave me another dose of your wisdom.. truly you are one of a kind and wise beyond your years... i learn more from chatting with you than from the hours i spend in boring class.. thanx for your guidance. if ya read this (which i think you won't but it's still worth a shot) then i hope you have an idea of how big of a help you have been in developing my personal beliefs.. you rule!!

"It won't be long, we'll meet again. Your memory is never passing"

so fucking alone.... someone needs to die.

2005-07-18T21:22:00.000+08:00

i'm left with no one to believe, no one to trust... "let's be friends so i can rip out your heart and shove it back down your throat"... some friend you are... i feel so fucking lonely.. cold, cruel and lost. left with a gun with a broken trigger and a single bullet. left with a rope too thin to hang anything with.. left with a dull blade that would bruise rather than cut.. i need my goddamn soul back... why can't i be happy? let me laugh... please. if you could help me without so much as lifting a finger you'd rather use up all your strength to crush my spirit.. is hurting me that much fun? maybe i need to do that too...

"FUCKING MY INSIDES. CRAWLING WITH LIES. BLAST OFF MY FINGERS. CLAW OUT MY EYES.
who gives a fuck if this guy pulls through or not? let's dump him in a ditch somewhere and let him rot...
DISMEMBERED MY MEMBER. CHOPPED OFF MY HEAD. I SEE THEM ALL LAUGHING. THEY'LL SOON WISH THEY WERE DEAD."

treat me like shit will you? i'll show you. fuck, i'll show the whole mutherfuckin' world...

PUTANGINA MO!!!

2005-07-13T20:46:00.000+08:00

sa lhat ng ayaw ko yung mga bastos... kala ko pa nman frends tayo pre? ang angas mo kanina.. i admit medyo mahina ung katok ko sa pinto kanina pero sa susunod ayus-ayusin mo tono ng boses mo ha?! if you ever talk to me like that again and i will sever the limbs off your fucking torso and beat the living hell out of you with your own fucking arms!! DIE BASTARD!!

let's sing a song today.. c'mon all togeter now...

2005-07-12T18:55:00.000+08:00

Dig
by
Mudvayne

Dig.

bury me underneath

Everything that I am rearranging

Dig.

bury me underneath

Everything that I was slowly changing

I would love to beat the face,

Of any mother fucker that's thinkin' they can change me,

White knuckles grip pushing through for the gold,

If you're wantin' a piece of me I broke the mother fuckin' mold,

I'm drowning in your wake

Shit rubbed in my face

Teething on concrete

Gums bleeding

Dig.

bury me underneath

Everything that I am rearranging

Dig.

bury me underneath

Everything that I was slowly changing

I struggle in violated space,

Sell out motherfuckers in the biz that try to fuck me,

Hang from their T's rated P.G. insight,

I ain't sellin' my soul when there's nothing to buy

I'm livid in my space

Pissing in my face

Fuck you while you try

To fuck me

Dig.

bury me underneath

Everything that I am rearranging

Dig.

bury me underneath

Everything that I was you ain't fuckin' changing me

Let me help you tie the rope around your neck,

Let me help to talk you the wrong way off the ledge,

Let me help you hold the glock against your head

Let me help you tie the rope around your neck,

Let me help to talk you the wrong way off the ledge,

Let me help you hold the glock up to your head,

Let me help to chain the weights onto your legs

Get on the plank fuck!

Dig.

bury me underneath

Everything that I am rearranging

Dig.

bury me underneath

Everything that I was slowly changing

Wish you were committing

Suicide suckin' on a mother fuckin' tailpipe

Dead man dangling from a tight rope

Limbless in the middle of a channel bob away

-bow-

i met Morpheus today, i shook the hand of Dream himself.. and now he knows my gods-damned name...

2005-07-10T19:30:00.000+08:00

SHIT. yesterday was HELL. it's not really rage i'm feeling, it's more like sorrow. and dissappointment. lot's of that.. anyways, we went to Rockwell around 10:30 and we arrived around 1:00 pm.. we thought Neil Gaiman's booksigning was gonna start a little late that's why we decided to be there at 1:00.. when we arrived we were giddy with excitement.. but those smiles quickly faded away like a forgotten dream. what a fitting end to tiny fragment of hope.. we waited for an eternity and we eventually got inside the Rockwell Tent. it was filled to overflowing with people. we weren't able to get any of our books signed and we waited until hell froze over but to no avail.. we went home empty-FUCKING-handed.. to Domeng, Doods and Elijah: sorry for waiting and thank you for putting up with me and the damn boredom.. spikey and i decided to go to greenhills to get our books signed.. we had to wake up DAMN early and fall in line to get blue numbered stubs just to get our thrice-damned books signed by the master, Neil Gaiman... it was as hot as the tormenting fires of hell today and we endured.. we fought through boredom, heat, thirst, and hunger and we finally achieved victory when Neil signed my Stardust graphic novel and 1602 hardcover tpb and shook my fucking hand.. shit that just made everything we went through worth the wait...

"Sweet dreams are made of these, who am i to disagree..."
"Rest easy, and know that Death will one day come for you.. and it will be the first and last time you will meet her..."

kanina.. (or is it kahapon na?)

2005-07-03T02:16:00.000+08:00

saya ng trek nten kanina a.. nkabili ako ng cd sa recto.. pero nung umaga na-late pa ako sa claret.. fuck kalimutan ko na may duty pla.. o well sa susunod nlang.. at least may jamming uli kanina.. kahit maikli lang.. mamaya nlang uli.. sana mas productive na..

Avenged Sevenfold Rules!!! \m/

"The city dressed in jewels and gold, fine linen, myrrh and pearls.

Her plagues will come all at once as her mourners watch her burn.

Destroyed in an hour.

Merchants and captains of the world, sailors, navigators too.

Will weep and morn this loss with her sins piled to the sky,

The Beast and the Harlot.

She's a dwelling place for demons.

She's a cage for every unclean spirit, every filthy bird and makes us drink the poisoned wine to fornicating with our kings. Fallen now is Babylon the Great."

oist! happy birthday...

2005-07-03T01:44:00.000+08:00

hey.. you! happy birthday.. oo ikaw.. cguro lam mo na kung sino ka.. hehe.. hope you have a fun time.. inuman! nde joke lang.. sana wlang mangyaring masama.. celebrate life.. you may be a year closer to death but you're a year wiser right.. cge cams happy birthday ulit..

drunkendness is the path to the dark side..

2005-06-27T17:38:00.000+08:00

goddamn.. now i understand how bad beer is.. i got drunk last friday.. it was so bad.. 8 beers is already a lot for me i guess.. pero sa lahat ng mga bullshit na nangyayari ngayon prang gs2 ko uli malasing.. amp kung anu-ano pa daw pinagsasabi ko.. haha, fuck this shit.. i've dug the hole i'm lying in.. next time i promise to have 10 beers.. haha..

why does everything need a title? hmm for once how about i write something incoherent.. wait, i did that yesterday.. oh well...

2005-06-23T18:13:00.000+08:00

CAT bukas.. yay.. may "mag e-exercise" nanaman.. hehe.. it's good to be an officer.. but sumthin crappy happened today..

ung yantok ko sa arnis na akala ko kamagong.. peke pla.. putangina.. pinintahan lang.. FUCK.. un lang nman ung msamang nangyari e..

lapit na booksigning ni Neil Gaiman.. sana may mangyaring mganda.. gs2 ko nung complete sandman collection.. FUCK ang mhal kasi e...

one word: FuckNut.. or are those two words.. i forget sometimes...

2005-06-22T20:19:00.000+08:00

hmm.. what to say.. i dunno, yesterday almost every fuckin' thing went wrong.. but today went well.. we (by we i mean my band) were able to polish our first single.. hehe power groove baby.. all we need now are decent lyrics.. how's life treatin' you by the way?

happy birthday to you people out there whose bithdays are comin'.. you all know you are.. celebrate life.. for death beckons only too soon...

"when I wake up the real nightmare begins"

Everything works out in the end...

2005-06-13T10:59:00.000+08:00

here's the deal: Saturday June 11 (note the June) I was supposed to meet kim at his house, we were supposed to go to Gateway for Neil Gaiman's book signing.. he kept warning me the night before "pare, sigurado ka bang June yun? sabi saken sa July pa daw e.." i told him: "oo, pero di lang naman yun ang gagawin naten dun e.. manonood pa tayo ng The Hitchhiker's Guide to The Galaxy"...
Fast forward to Saturday, i asked my dad if he could find someone to drive me to Kim's house. He said this Saldi guy would do it.. great my day's finally getting better, turns out the driver wasn't familiar with Quezon City (he's from Pangasinan) and i have a crappy sense of direction so put 'em together and what do you get? a pair of guys in a car with no fucking idea how to get to Xavierville.. i'm an idiot.. but the stupidity didn't stop there, i called kim and he told me to meet him at Gateway.. we finally arrived there and i was psyched to see Neil Gaiman.. it turns out kim was right.. damn.. JULY 11 pa daw ang booksigning ni Neil Gaiman... goddamnit.. anyway kim and his buddies arrived and we ate before watching a movie.. The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy still wasn't showing.. we opted to watch Sin City instead, problem is I watched Sin City already and the Sin City we watched was the R-13 version.. it had so many cuts.. after the movie kim and i went to SM Makati coz a new Naomi store was opening there (Naomi is a family run business.. by the Ocampos.. it's a jewelry store) we, and by we i mean kim and his entire family with me tagging along, were supposed to watch Mr. and Mrs. Smith.. i wasn't exactly thrilled to spend time with his family (his parents think i have "ligaw na droga", whatever the fuck that means.. and his sister hates me) wow that's just great.. good thing my dad was able to bail me out.. he asked me to come home.. said he needed the car.. on the way to the car i spotted Bibliarch, is it just me or is it a little too eerily familiar to Fully Booked, i checked out the graphic novels section and found Death: The Time of Your Life.. i just couldn't resist buying it.. i just love Death.. she's perfect.. it set me back Php 640 but it's cool.. Chris Bachalo draws a beautiful Death.. i guess everything does work out in the end albeit in a weird, unpredictable way...

This means WAR

2005-06-02T13:23:00.000+08:00

Betrayer! the word cuts through your very soul like a sword cuts through flesh. Too scared to show me your face.. die you GODDAMN queer.. you dare incur my wrath? you have no idea what i am capable of... your whole existence is a testament to how low humanity has fallen.. your faggot acts will bring you closer to annihilation.. one word to end you.. FAGOCIDE!!!!!!

yo!! ang REUNION!!!

2005-05-21T22:48:00.000+08:00

man.. Bernard, one o' my besprens for over umm.. uh.. idaknow like 6 years i think, visited us here in q.c. he lives in Cebu now and it was a great, fuckin time.. we hung out like we were back in first year.. he's leaving tomorrow i think but carl and i got to hang out with bern for about two weeks.. man, the good ol' days, that's what we used to call it.. man, we didn't even realize how much we've changed.. he's a lot thinner now, i'm a lot stronger, but i'm still pretty short, shorter than him at least.. yeah.. and so we watched Star Wars ep. 3 and ate pizza and talked about the great, muthafuckin' mystery of this piece o' shit we call existence.. we even have a story in the works, based on the Fallout series of games by Interplay.. but a lot of it is original, no rip-offs for us.. if ya wanna read it.. i'm planning on publishing it in a new blog here in blogspot, or bern's blog.. still not sure though.. but we sure had some good times.. hehe, ang inuman kanina Bern!! red horse and tequila!! woohoo!! TANGINA MO CARL!!! d ka pa sumama samin.. tangina.. huling inuman na nga naten e.. pota.. kung ganyan ka lang pla e.. nde loko lang dood.. hehe.. by the way.. for anyone out there who still doesn't know, PANTERA rocks.. kakabili ko lang nung Reinventing Hell na album nila.. well more like a compilation.. but still, tama ka VLAD!! and lupet ng WALK!!! hehe anyways.. un na muna.. safe trip Bern.. good luck with your life and thanx for the good times and distracting me from my downward spiral into despair.. even for a short while.. hehe let the good times roll.. "keep on keepin on man.." DCK rocks too!!!

oh and puntahan nyo ito.. hehe This is FUCKING HILARIOUS!!!!
http://chona.blogspot.com

ouch

2005-05-16T17:31:00.000+08:00

shit... i sprained my left foot.. shit.. hurts a bit.. it happened on saturday, i landed on my left foot wrong and sprained it.. it feels better now though.. i hope it heals soon..

PuLP SuMMerSlaM World War V

2005-05-01T01:39:00.000+08:00

my first time attending the annual rock celebration known as Pulp Summerslam was pretty memorable.. well actually kakauwi ko lang galing dun.. i know i wasn't able to finish it but in the short time i was, there around 4:30-12:sumthin', i was able to experience the mosh pit Pinoy-style getting piss-in-a-bottle thrown over my head, getting sumeone else's sweat all over me, and best of all reliving the feeling the indescribable rush only a live performance can bring... beer-drinking, mosh-pitting, smoking, head-banging, and listenning to the music.. it may not have been the greatest SummerSlam, but it was my first! till next time.. keep on keepin' on and \m/

Vitriol

2005-04-12T19:53:00.000+08:00

i now understand my source of bitterness.. the routine my life has become.. monotony is what i face everyday.. i feel as though i have wasted my existence.. but there is still time i guess.. i'm only sixteen.. the sad thing is, i don't know how to live my life to fullest.. i still don't know what i truly want..

i need new ideas to keep my online novel fresh.. i know it only has two short parts for now but i'm working on chapter one and i think i can deliver.. i just hope his writer's block doesn't stay too long..

till next time: "Zero tolerance must be issued... for those who are alive but don't live "

i-PoD

2005-03-25T23:32:00.000+08:00

before anything else i'm gonna give a shout out to Ralph.. Happy Birthday man!!! movin' on i finally convinced my mom to buy me an i-Pod.. from Kim.. thanx pre magkaka-iPod na rin ako sa wakas!! i've finished makin' my new blog.. it's a story in the making.. you can visit it at http://ashatteredearth.blogspot.com if ya read it and like it please don't plagiarize it or anythin' coz if ya do: i'll hunt you down and kill you.. i swear.. that's all, till next time.. "There is no spoon."(what the hell?!)

WAHAHAHA!!! wasted yesterday....

2005-03-23T10:39:00.000+08:00

shit.. medyo nagka-amats ata ako kagabi a.. pero natatandaan ko pa nman e.. Gab gagu ka.. ung unang tagay ko wlang chaser.. d pa ako maxadong pina-tugtog.. at least nakasama ko ang mga batchmates ko.. i'll miss u guys.. c Ms. Blu din mamimiss ko.. sobra.. nkausap ko nga xa nung araw na un e.. kahapon lang.. after training pumunta ako sa faculty tapos nakipag-kwentuhan.. antagal ewan ko nga kung naka-isang oras kami ng pag-uusap e.. mdali nman kasing i-approach un e.. ung party.. astig.. masaya.. may inuman, mdami tumugtog, mga scaggers (yosi), pero may bonding din.. kahit di ganun kadami ang pumunta.. msaya nman.. thanks guys(kilala niyo na kung cno kau) next time sa bahay ko.. may Jack Daniels at cognac.. one more thing.. i'll be posting a new blog: i'll use it to publish my story Shattered Earth.. it's a dark, post-apocalyptic future take on what the world would be if Gods and magic were real.. i'll get around to doin' that when i'm done with the prologue and chapter 2.. cge bye for now.. "THE WORLD IS A VAMPIRE..."

i hate kids.. ya know what i hate a lot of stuff..

2005-03-20T11:01:00.000+08:00

damnit.. i hate kids.. ya wanna know the whole story? well aight, here it goes: kahapon (saturday) was prep grduation sa claret.. we(COLT's) were given the job to watch over the program.. stupid goddamn children kept callin' me a "guard".. jeezus fuckin' christ.. i know they're just dumb children but it makes my blood boil to be compared to an uneducated piece of trash.. which brings me to my next point...

the claret school guards are a bunch of kiss-ass bitches who suck-up to the admin and faculty but give no respect to the other students.. why'd i say that? well.. one time me and joben went to the guardhouse to leave his bag.. may training kasi kme kaya pinapaiwan niya nlang dun.. what happened was we asked politely if we could just leave it there and the driver would just pick it up.. they said "anong gagawin ko diyan?!" very furiously.. i mean what right do they have to raise their voice at us? we were just asking.. it's not like we did sumthin' wrong.. good thing i kept my cool, otherwise i would have impaled them on the gates and fed them to my dogs.. 10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4.. that's it.. just breathe.. whooo... another time was when i went to claret back in december 24 and asked if there was arnis practice.. it happened again.. the punk-ass guard answered with "WALA!!!" and i almost lost it.. asshole has no goddamn right to raise his voice at me.. he could have just said "wala..".. ang bastos..

another thing i hate is the sudden rise of pop-rock in the music industry.. ya know: good charlotte, simple plan, busted.. that is a load of fuckin' crap if ya ask me.. what's so great about them anyway? they aren't even half as talented as some of the non-mainstream bands out there.. they should just die.. suffer for the sin of making lousy music.. if i were you i'd rather listen to emo than kill my soul by listenin' to pop-rock boybands.. i'm not advocatin' emo, i'm more of a metal/hardcore kinda guy.. i just think it's the lesser of two evils.. that's it.. bye.. "nightmares come and go but evil is forever.."

livin' my HELL

2005-03-17T16:00:00.000+08:00

first of all: ouch.. ever had one of those days when ya feel like hell? i feel like hell.. and i know tomorrow's gonna be much, much worse.. Shit.. Jesus Fucking Christ, gimme a fuckin' break.. people keep tellin' me: no pain, no gain.. man, fuck pain.. stupid scagging.. killin' my goddamned lungs..

secondly: currently listenin' to HeadBanger's Ball Vol. 2 and i gotta ask: why doesn't it have any song s by MudVayne in it? damn they're probably the best Math-Metal band ever.. rockin' out not complete without MudVayne.. they got A Perfect Circle's Weak and Powerless, a song which ya can't headbang to, but no MudVayne.. they got Kittie though.. Kittie Rocks.. Avenged Sevenfold and HIM get me to involuntarily bang my head.. my fave bands from the compilation that i've never heard before would probably be: Dimmu Borgir, Avenged Sevenfold, Twelve Tribes, Deicide, Himsa, and 3 Inches of Blood..

third and final: anyone heard of the band: Shards of Ice? they're pretty good.. best of all taga-Manila sila.. Metal daw sabi ng site nila which is: http://www.unusmundusnetwork.net/soi/index2.html.. well i bought their album: The Monkeys Have Landed at Tower Records and i was quite impressed.. the drummer, who is by the way is still a kid bein' 14 and all, is a girl.. cool.. mgaling pa.. idol! nde.. seriously nkaka-inspire.. 14 plang, lupet na! kung sana mas-madami oras ko.. may double-peds nman aq.. puta.. kelangan lng ng time.. if i had the time, i could do more for myself and for others.. hehe.. ulul.. my only qualm with Shards is they look kinda punk.. although that's just my observation.. they don't seem like Metalheads.. but you gotta respect their talent.. pssst: but between you and me... mas mgaling ung ibang bands sa claret.. kulang lang sa exposure..

aight that's all i got.. i'll post the next time i feel sumthin' brewin' up inside.. till next time.. Jesus Fuckin' Christ if i feel like hell today, i'm gonna feel like the 9 Hells tomorrow.. Hate Consumes All.. bye