Monday, January 16, 2006
oh thank god! i'm so glad that me and vlad had that talk a while ago. . it really brought things into perspective. . 61 Malumanay is back with a vengeance. . now all i have to do is resolve things with e.j.
iFLEW @ 8:15 PM
Sunday, January 15, 2006
i wasn't expecting this. . i didn't plan to write another blog entry until something really great happened. . . but the current state of my life has forced me to put my feelings into words. . it's been over two months since i visited this page and blogged. so many things have happened and, quite frankly, i don't know where to begin. .
i guess i should tell you about my christmas. i had a pretty enjoyable x-mas celebration. my christmas spirit was rejuvenated when i watched "elf". i swear, zooey deschanel is the most beautiful girl in the world. . *sigh* i had one of the most memorable days of december on the 24th. . . it went like this: i went to Prancess' home and i gave her a present. simple as that. the new year, on the other hand, was awful. .
i didn't celebrate the new year. my family did, but i didn't. i just couldn't quite feel the "new year spirit". there was this emptiness in me that prevented me from enjoying the new year. i felt so lonely, so without direction. after they celebrated i drank some of my dad's tequila. not a lot though, just enough to get drunk. .
i also went to gab/domeng's home during december to celebrate his birthday. it was fun. really.
the christmas vacation had its fair share of laughs and tears but i was actually eager to go back to school. being home all alone isn't all it's cracked up to be. . .
i was also inspired to skate again after watching grind on hbo. . yes. skateboarding. and i thought i'd given up on that silly hobby. . i'm currently re-learning the running ollie and the kick flip. .
here comes the real reason why i had to blog. . most of the people who read this know who i am. . they know that i play for a band, and i love my band. hell, i just love to play music. . it's just more fun with friends, you know? recently, i noticed that one of our members wasn't as interested in the band as he used to. . i'm sorry about this but i was really hurt by what happened. . dood, you, "berto". i know you didn't mean to but man, i'm starting to get the feeling that you're stealing vlad from us. . now, call me paranoid but i'm not alone. all of us in 61 malumanay (the band, not the house) are starting to feel the same way. . we just hope that we can clear up this whole misunderstanding and go back to the way it was. . and you, vlad. we need a straight answer from you. not as a band member, but as a friend. . what in the blue hell do you really want to do?
jesus christ i feel so betrayed.
iFLEW @ 5:03 PM
Thursday, November 17, 2005
love is... a lie... a deception we enact upon ourselves to justify how we feel about others.. i hate how i feel.. i can't help it.. i can only take so much pain... i'd rather staple my eyes than feel like this again... the old paulord is back.. deal with it...
it'll be a long time 'til you see the happy paulord again.. in the meantime, you'll be dealing with the cynical depressing bastard you all know and hate... say hello to sorrow.
iFLEW @ 7:19 PM
Wednesday, November 16, 2005
please pray for ms. alla soto... don't ask why.. just pray for her good health... i really hope she gets better...
iFLEW @ 8:49 PM
say good bye to a shattered earth... from now on i'm writing it away from prying eyes.. ayoko manakawan ng pinaghirapang trabaho...
ang hirap mag-hintay ng sagot... nauubos na ang lakas ng loob ko..
i wouldn't know what to do if she said no... i'd be beyond devastated... i better get ready... here comes the pain...
iFLEW @ 8:41 PM
Monday, November 14, 2005
maybe i should write about eddie guerrero's sudden passing.. i bet a lot of people are writing about it right now... i won't.. no, he deserves peace.. i'll write about something else...
well, hopefully sa saturday lalabas kami ni dante at susunduin namin cna prancess and pat.. if things work out we'll all have a great time... i have to pray my heart out na payagan c prancess... I HOPE THAT SATURDAY WILL BE A GREAT DAY!!!!
p.s. i know readers are used to deep (sometimes downright f***-ed up) posts so patawarin nyo nalang ako kung medyo mundane ito... masaya lang talaga ako...
i hope to have chapter 4 of a shattered earth up by friday... and then i'll close down the blog... i'll finish it then release it.. mahirap na ring manakawan ng trabaho...
iFLEW @ 8:06 PM
Saturday, November 05, 2005
the dreams just keep coming... i had another one last night, or, more accurately, just a while ago. It's all messed up so bear with me.. here it is:
THIS IS JUST A DREAM OF MINE: There are three of us. We are adventurers, of sorts, and we were returning to my home to rest. We journeying along the streets of Malumanay, Amads, Ven and I, and we were almost at our destination when amads became "possessed" by some sort of spirit. He tried to kill us, but i stabbed his throat. The stab must have driven the spirit away, for amads was returning back to normal.. He wasn't fatally wounded, so we bandaged him up and went on our way.
We arrived at my house and there were plenty of people gathered there. Our other comrades. I went upstairs to unpack but i heard a sound in my parent's room.
My father was typing on the pc, this pc right here. I went inside mom and dad's room and there lying on the bed was a beautiful girl. She had reddish blond hair, a white complexion and the most beautiful face i have ever seen.
I have never ever met this girl in my entire life, yet she lay on my parent's bed. my little brother was also there and he was playing with something, i could not clearly see.
I sat down on the bed and observed her, she was stunning. It's hard to put into words how utterly beautiful she is. My brother finally left the room, so I made some casual talk with her. We chatted about how she got here and i told her about our misfortune earlier. She was clearly amused at some of my quips. She asked me my name and i gave it to her. I asked her for her name... She gave it to me, it was... it was... arrrggghh! I can't remember.
We talked for hours and even though we only met recently, i felt like we knew each other for a long time. We were talking to each other like childhood friends, unmindful of all the time we spent talking. We didn't even notice that it was nighttime already.
Then she asked a hard question "May girl friend ka na ba?" she asked.
Naturally my answer was "No" and I asked her if she had a boyfriend, in return. I eagerly awaited her answer to that question.
"Wala" she said, and i felt so relieved. I wondered to myself, what was I feeling for this new friend of mine?
While it was getting even darker, we cuddled together to keep warm. I felt a passion in me awaken, and i held her close, but not hard..
She asked me if I ever made love before, another tough question. I answered "No, I'm still a virgin".
She asked me if I would like to make love to her, and i was in awe at her straightforwardness.
My obvious answer was yes, but we should be mindful of the noise we made. "Yung parents ko nasa ibaba lang yata e." I answered.
So we held each other and we were about to kiss, then suddenly my mother called us and told us to come down to eat.
We decided that we had to eat, i was still stunned about the things she asked of me.
So we came down to eat and we met with several of my comrades. There were other women besides her and my mother there. There was even an adventuring party comprised only of women members. But of all of the women there i was most attracted to her.
I learned during dinner that the reason why so many adventurers were at our house was because my parents were hosting a tournament. A fighting tournament similar to Yu Yu Hakushu's Dark Tournament. But with less deranged combatants. I was ecstatic at the news. I wanted to fight so bad, I wanted to prove myself to everyone that i can take care of myself.
The Tournament had two divisions: Singles and Couples. The main goal is to crown one Singles Champion and One team from the Couples division to serve as "role models" for all adventurers. If you won the gold, then you not only get some sweet loot, you also earn respect.
The fights were randomly selected and I learned I was scheduled to fight tomorrow. She was my opponent.
The fight was now about to start, I was all ready to go. I wouldn't let any feelings I had for her ruin my chances of being champion so I said to myself not to take it easy on her.
We entered a huge coliseum and the other participants, as well as the judges, were watching intently. We were both introduced by an unseen announcer. We were then told to start the match.
The fight was vague.. and i can't remember the whole thing... What i do remember is this:
I approached her with caution, warily ducking in and out. She was eyeing me suspiciously as well, she must be thinking what was going through my head.
I thought that if I kissed her (yeah I know, stoopid) I'd probably psyche her out. In an unusual twist, she must have been thinking of the same move for even before I expected my lips to meet hers, hers met mine.
We were both stunned, to say the least. But I.. felt a connection with her. Something that told me she was special...
She and I talked and we had a brilliant idea. Why don't we just join the couples division? And we did.
After the fight I had a vision that a shadowy warrior had sent orders to harm a certain adventuring party, the one comprised only of females. I headed out in search for them, she was just behind me.
I was able to get to the Women in time and I warned them of the danger.
They scoffed at me and said that I wasn't a seer and that after my last battle, I have no right to even talk to them.
Their arrogance aside, I still wanted to help them. My partner told them to back off and said that i was only trying to help them. I told her to let it go, and we went back to my home.
After we left the women were attacked by some sort of mechanical brute. While they were fighting I woke up...
I know that this dream is all fucked up but it's the way i dreamt it. I couldn't change how it was, because then it wouldn't be my dream.. that's it, I'm done.. peace out...
P.S. The one thought echoing throughout my mind during that dream was: This girl isn't P******s... Then who the hell could she be? All I know is that she's isn't in the dream... At least i think she isn't...
iFLEW @ 10:24 AM
Friday, November 04, 2005
well.. firstly i gotta write about two dreams i had.. two separate, totally unrelated dreams in one restless night...
dream no. 1: a battlefield. nay, a killing field. for it was a valley in the middle of two hills.. there were two forces, one comprised of boys. the other of girls.. they were decked in ancient armor.. what you'd most likely see from a fantasy rpg of some sort.. they were killing each other, all for one box. a black, plain looking box, with probably nothing important inside.. yet the two forces were killing each other for possession of it.. each time their weapons met flesh a part of me died.. they were all supposed to be my friends.. yet they fought each other and killed each other, all for a stupid box.. our forces, the males, had possession of the box and we did everything in our power to keep it that way.. i was disgusted by the way we were all acting and i wanted to put an end to all of the madness... i took the box from our camp and ran to the middle of the battlefield, where the two leaders of the opposing forces were to meet.. on the way a girl threw a boomerang at me but missed.. i immediately threw the two knives i had at her and fatally injured her.. my knives cut deep into her forehead and killed her instantly.. unbeknownst to me at that time the boomerang she threw was coming back, it slashed my right leg (for it was a bladed boomerang) and i uttered the words 'damn bitch cut me...' in pain. i hobbled on to the meeting place of the two warlords and i finally surrendered the box to our adversaries. i thought it would finally end the fighting.. i betrayed my comrades to stop the senseless slaughter.. i hope i was right...
i woke up... man, what a weird dream...
dream no. 2: i woke up from a peaceful slumber. i had a tugging urge to go to my school, claret, and, since it was quite near to my house, i went there. but before i did i took a bath and changed into some decent clothes.. i was wearing my old COCC shirt and a pair of baggy black jeans i usually wear for skateboarding. i then went to school to just hang out and see if anyone else was there. i was correct. when i arrived it looked like a party was happening. the ambience was remiscent of our sophomores' night.. i was surprised, to say the least, for i had no idea there was such an event going on at the school at that time.. i waited to see who it was for, thinking it was for the alumni. imagine my surprise when a few batchmates of mine walked through the gate arm in arm with a few ladies (obviously their dates).. they were even dressed in their most formal attire, usually reserved for the prom.. i approached them and asked what they were doing here with the ladies and why they were dressed so formally... they just laughed and said "pre, nagloloko ka nanaman ata e.. saka ba't ganyan suot mo? mukhang kakagising mo lang.. wala ka bang kasama? sige pre, mauna na kami a.." i was just standing there, stunned in disbelief at what he had just said.. i was starting to understand the situation but i didn't want to... more people started arriving, all of them my batchmates, and all of them with dates.. i then saw someone whom i was very familiar with and i then went up to him and asked him what the hell was going on.. he said "man, di mo ba natatandaan? etong pre-grad ball natin.. parang sophomores' night nga.. madami sa 'tin may dates kasi nga yung interax dba? ikaw? ba't ka pa nakaganyan? sino kasama mo? matagal na sinabi 'to.. nakainom ka ba?" right then and there my heart died. i felt that i wasted an excellent opportunity to be with 'her'.. i saw a few girls whom i was familiar with and i went up to them. i asked them if prancess was coming. they said no. they said no one invited her and that shouldn't i be the one who would invite her in the first place.. i was crushed. and i wanted to just break dow and cry.. i made my way to gate 5 with tears streaming down my cheeks. i just wanted to go home and drink 'til i forgot about this whole mess... i encountered ace and told him about my current situation. how i knew nothing about this event and if i did, i'd invite prancess and we'd have a great time.. he said that his date was just freshening up and that i should go get dressed but i just raised my voice and said "Can't you see I don't have a date? what the fuck would getting dressed up do? sonuvabitch! i just wanna go home.." and with that he escorted me to gate 5.. but we ran into my parents, who were sitting in the metallic shed near the "kubo area".. i asked what the hell they were doing there, visibly shocked at my appearance.. they said "anak, dinala namin yung drum set mo. hindi ba sinabi mo sa'min na tutugtog kayo para sa mga aattend dito?" and with that i just had enough.. i kept telling myself 'this all just a dream, a fucking dream.. wake up, goddamnit!' but i didn't wake up.. i was convinced that i was going insane.. and walked out of the school. it was by now pretty dark and there were cars coming in to drop off their passengers.. i started to walk home but suddenly a car came speeding into my path.. i tried to move out of the way but i stopped myself. i thought this would end it all.. i was correct.
i woke up.. that was the most disturbing dream i have ever had. at least the one that i remember most recently.. i hope i never experience that. ever.
my day was pretty interesting.. i got the metal thingies i left at claret. me and ace visited carl and just hung out at his place.. we played magic cards.. i had a winning streak.. 4 wins 0 losses.. hahaha. then we went over to my house and we just ps2-ed while ace played on the pc... we were getting quite bored so we had an impromptu hardcore no-holds barred falls count anywhere triple threat match.. after a dozen chair shots and canings, and a few spears, clotheslines, flying cross-bodies, basement dropkicks and ddt's thrown in for good measure, the match finally ended with carl victorious. after i ddt'ed ace on the steel chair, carl kicked my gut and pedigree'd the hell out of me.. 1-2-3. but, in regular pro wrestling fashion, i got up and beat the crap out of carl from behind.. and full nelsoned him until he "passed out" (scripted amp.. hahaha).. well that basically takes care of my day... longest. post. ever. or maybe not.. ewan haha... ingat.. god bless sa inyong lahat...:)
iFLEW @ 12:52 AM
